supposedly, i have to be in school by 1pm so that i can review for my exams... but unfortunately, procrastination and television worked together to keep me from getting to work... i really don't have self-discipline in time management, even though i got my schedules fixed for that day...

anyway, my self-discipline is not my main subject here... i just connected the time which is 1pm... 1 o'clock this afternoon, i was in the bathroom... thinking of things before i took a bath...

graduation is fast approaching and i realized i have to have a motivation to keep myself on the game and focused on the price... my target is to be a summer grad, not an octoberian... though there's a 50% possibility that i'm an octoberian... well, i got my plans settled for that, whichever happens...

so here's the thing... my dad got laid back from his job so he's been a bum for like a month already... and you can feel that he doesn't want to work anymore... even if the company asks him back, i think he won't even reconsider going back... my dad's the kind of person "na kapag nawalan ng gana sa isang bagay ay hindi na ito itutuloy"... he's always saying this "i'm old and i'm tired" thing for how many months... then it hit me!... he knows i'm going to graduate by this year, and by this year will hopefully get a job... a job!... getting a job with a good salary is my motivation for this semester, to keep by head going on the game... then it hit me again!... it hit me hard!... by dad's being indolent!... and i hate him for that... the pressure's on me now... i kept thinking, if i landed a job with a good salary, my father would be more indolent... yes, i know my responsibilities as a daughter... next school year, i'll be responsible for my brother in college because that's my promise with my mom... and i think i'll be responsible with all the bills and shit?!... that was not part of the plan!... what the hell, what about me, who's gonna be responsible with me, dammit!...

so much for keeping me motivated with a job... i hope my dad would go back to the company if they asked him back... -sigh-... and this dilemma really made cry...

it has been nine months since my last blog... and the past months were everything... from feeling inlove to feeling lonely... from friends to enemies... from being enemies to being online friends...

summer has passed and i spent my summer in Manila... for my summer class in Diliman which was a really great experience... having been away from my comfort zone and feeling the thing they call "homesick"...

first semester for my last year in college is done... making the most out of my college life while wanting to pass every subject for the semester is what i should be doing... but no, i have to pass my subject... so i don't get to have the 'fun' that i want... well i can have the fun i deserve after i finish school... and that would be by october of this year... yes, unfortunately i'm  an octoberian, sad... but i'm still hoping to be a summer graduate, -sigh-...

as for my heart... well it's still there, beating... not for the same person that kept it alive for a year... but to the person that wants to spend more time and is happy with it... and... it's ME!... accepting your being single is not really a bad thing... i think i'm happy with what i have right now... no wrong perceptions, no misunderstandings, no hoping, and no attachments of somekind... it's just you and yourself... if it comes it comes...

--eych

Currently watching: cleaner
Currently feeling: crappy

dated: march 19, 2009

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25 flowers bloomed,

25 wishes came true...

but mine...

25 days without you...